So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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