that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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