Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
