she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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