And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
