My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
