then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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