I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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