I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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