I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
