My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
