i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
