I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
