im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
