Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
