HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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