he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
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