I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
