thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dick very happy bro
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
