Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
