i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
