yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
