I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
