Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
