just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
