tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
