drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
