She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
