i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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