We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
