let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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