Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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