The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I will pee on everything he values.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
