he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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