evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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