can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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