if i can run in heels then i can drive
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
