hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
