maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Enjoy the penises
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
