I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
