the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
