I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Acid is not a monday night drug
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
