I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
