Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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