So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
