If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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