My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
