Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
