doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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