I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
