hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
