I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
