Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
