if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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