can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
