i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
