Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
